Flashback

Today is the Red Sox home opener. Since today is my at-home day, I’m able to watch in the comfort of my own home, rather than checking the updates on redsox.com.

Last year, however, I was doing neither: my son was two days old and still in the neo-natal ICU unit at the hospital. Although I had ben discharged two days before, I hadn’t yet been home; the hospital has parent rooms set aside for people whose babies were in the ICU. While I was allowed to sit with him as much as I wanted, I was only allowed to hold him when I was nursing him, once every two hours.

So there I was, all by myself (Larry was at work – no sense in him taking time off to sit in the hospital, right? Better to take the time once the baby came home). My knitting had been brought up for me, but I couldn’t focus. I had books, but couldn’t read. Couldn’t manage much of anything, really – I was either sitting in my windowless room staring into space, or pacing pacing pacing around the hospital and the parking lot. And of course, visiting my precious Peep.

Then, after lunch, the senior nurse told me she had good news. “Can I bring him home today after all?” I asked hopefully. “Not yet, but soon. But in the meantime, we can move you into a better parent room.” Fantastic.

Actually, it was a lot better. It had a window. And a television. And since it turned out to be another three days before my son was ready to come home, it made a huge difference.

So after the Peep’s midafternoon feeding, I got to go back to my new room. And watch the Red Sox home opener. I still couldn’t focus, mind you. I have no idea who they played, or who won.  But hearing the play by play from Don and the Rem-Dawg made me feel somehow slightly more at ease, or something.

Nonetheless, every time I’ve watched a day game since, and the people in the stands are bundled up and still look cold, I’m brought back to that lonely day a year ago.